I confess you are the best thing in my life.

I stared at the wall in front of me, a little tired but mostly happy. The gallery was coming together and instead of paying for someone to come in and decorate, I had decided to take care of everything on my own. Except for my boys, I hadn't asked for anyone's help and even though it was a lot to take on? I had no regrets. I had wanted this for so long, I didn't want to miss even a moment. 

"Do you need something else?" Ben asked, breaking me from my daze as he kissed my cheek.

"Keep working and don't get distracted," I grinned at him as I pulled my hair up in a messy bun, ready to get back to painting.

I'm from a little city with expensive taste.

I closed the door behind us and stared at Chloe, trying to gauge her reaction but she looked lost. Her eyes took in the space, the way the whole room lit up simply by the daylight. Turning to me, she frowned, "Are we having a picnic? I thought we were going to try that new bistro a few doors down."

I laughed and shook my head, "Lunch can wait. I wanted to show you this place first."

I think we’re close enough. Could I lock in your love, baby?

I heard the front door close, glancing at the clock beside the TV and hearing someone bumping around. "Fuck," Ben's voice said as a mutter.

I reached for the light and flicked the switch, "Ben?" 

He walked into the living room where I was sitting on the couch, eating cookies and watching my favorite show on tv. "I'm sorry," He mumbled as he squeezed his eyes as if the light was too much for him.

"Are you okay?" I asked and stared at him, studying him. He just nodded as he slumped next to me, smelling like a bar. I wrinkled my nose, "How was your night?"

"It was okay," He answered without much enthusiasm. 

I guess that no one ever really made me feel that much higher.

"Mamaaan!" Gabe's voice echoed through the apartment, his footsteps pounding on the floor as he raced his way to find me. You could think a whole day out playing would exhaust him, instead no, he was still full of energy. Always full of energy. 

I grinned as when he found me, wrapping his arms tight around me when Ben appeared in the doorway, smiling at the two of us. I was still surrounded by boxes. Ben had moved into my loft the weekend before and it was crazy how much there still was to do, it was even crazier that Gabe had more things than he did. "Hi Gabey," I hugged him back and gave him a kiss on the cheek as I smiled, "How was your day at the camp?"

I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night.

 

I walked into YSL late, the door swinging shut behind me as the sales girl straightened her posture a little more while I raced past her towards my older sister, “I’m sorry I’m late. I had to drop Gabe off with Ben.”


Mila smirked back, probably not buying my story which was actually true. Maybe it wasn't the whole story, but still. “You’re fine. I just got here.” She grabbed tan crocodile pumps that I was almost positive she had in her closet, “What do you think of these?”

“Don’t you have those exact ones in black?” I laughed, raising an eyebrow as I handed her a cup of coffee from her favorite cafe down the street.

“Yeah, so?” She pouted, putting them down and grabbed the cup out of my hands.

Lovers hold on to everything.

I led Gabe through the last loft with my hand on his back, beside me Ben holding my other hand while the realtor explained everything she knew about the space. Honestly, it looked like the last two. Lofts were getting smaller and smaller in Paris, while the prices did the opposite. "Is there a backyard?" Gabe wrinkled his nose while she eyed him curiously, making it known that she didn't like kids around while she did her job. "I want a backyard so I can play with my toys and have a pool like grandma does!"

"There is no space for a pool," She shook her head with a fake smile on her face. "But you can fit toys back there."

I know you better than I ever have before.

"Hey!!" Chloe smiled as I sat down next to her on the bench and pushed my hair out of my eyes. "How's my baby?" She nodded towards Gabe, who was telling a girl a little younger than him how to properly swing on a swing.

"He's flirting," I said, surprised myself since last week he was barely giving me hugs since I'm a girl. 

We'll never feel bad anymore.

I pushed my sleeves up and transferred the last plate of food from the kitchen counter to the dining table. There was so much food, one might think it was Christmas again. But that's what I did - I cooked when I was stressed or nervous, and lately, I'd been a mix of nerves while wondering the right words to tell Gabe. We'd been putting it off for so long though and with time, it only made it worse and worse. 

Wondering where you've been all my life.

I turned the alarm of after having a hard time finding it in the dark, my eyes still adjusting as I sat up in Ben's bed. The clock said 4:30 AM exactly and when I looked over to his side of the bed, he wasn't there. It took not more than a second to register the sound of water and know that he was showering... but why so early? I crawled out of bed and discarded the shirt I had on, stepping into the shower and wrapping my arms around him, a smile playing on my lips when he jumped a little.

"What are you doing out of bed?" He asked and turned to face me, the image of his body wet and naked waking me up almost instantly.

Baby, I want you.

Ben walked into the bedroom and the second his eyes found mine, his lips curved into a gorgeous smile. Behind him, the clock read 3 AM and surprisingly, I felt wide awake. We'd spent most of Christmas Eve at my parents and I was thankful it had gone so well. Despite the way my sister looked at the two of us with a knowing look on her face, my boys were happy and that was all that mattered to me. Honestly, I couldn't even remember the last time I had been so happy. "He's finally sleeping," He announced quietly, walking to the bed and laying down next to me, glancing at the nightgown I had on. I'd grown accustom to sleeping in his shirts during our sleepovers that I wanted to mix it up, to look sexy. I only hoped that I didn't look like I was trying too hard instead.... which technically I kind of was, but that's besides the point. 

I'm standing in the flames and it's a beautiful kind of pain.

I'm standing in the flames and it's a beautiful kind of pain. by pinklipstiiick featuring a mini skirt

"Aunt Mila!!" Gabe screeched out as my sister opened the front door to her place, a look of confusion on her face before she broke into a smile.

"Gabe!" She grinned, grabbing him as he ran into her arms, "I missed you cutie!"

He made a face as she pressed a kiss against his temple, a quick swipe with his little hand to wipe the kiss away. "I missed you too," He grinned at her.

Don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you.

Don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you. by pinklipstiiick featuring cut loose tops

I walked out of my bedroom, eyes finding a tired Ben leaving Gabe's room and shutting the door behind him. What seemed like a never ending vacation in paradise had unfortunately come to an end, leaving me with a bitter sweet feeling since while I loved spending all that time with my ex? I knew that being back home and working on all of our old problems would be the best for us. "Is he still asleep?" I asked quietly, frowning since I missed the opportunity to tuck our boy in. It was one of those every day tasks that I'd never get old of... mostly since I was sure in just a few years he'd be tired of it instead. He was growing up too fast and who knew how much longer he'd consider his parents his best friends. 

You can be my full time baby, hot or cold.

You can be my full time baby, hot or cold. by pinklipstiiick featuring Meadham Kirchhoff t-shirts

"Wake up beautiful," Ben said softly after pressing a kiss against my bare shoulder, my heart already beating faster as I wondered how many more days I'd get to wake up like this - beside the man I had spent over half of my life being in love with. I couldn't be certain, but I didn't want it to end any time soon.... or ever.

I smiled but kept my eyes closed, moving just so slightly to let him know that I was slowly waking up. "Mhm. What time is it?" I whispered in a tiny voice.

"Time to open your eyes," He said quietly, smiling big when I did as he suggested. Yes, this was the best view to wake up to. "Good morning."

The mood it changes like the wind, hard to control when it begins.

The mood it changes like the wind, hard to control when it begins. by pinklipstiiick featuring Monki

I folded my arms across my chest and grinned as Gabe plugged his nose and jumped into the pool, my heart stopping for a few seconds until his body reemerged again and he waved at us with a proud smile on his face. "Did you see that?!" He asked, eyes bouncing back and forth between both myself and Ben. 

A million hearts, you're the only one.

A million hearts, you're the only one. by pinklipstiiick featuring diesel shoes

I forced a serious face, watching as Gabe wrinkled his nose and read the clue again. I'd spent the whole morning and afternoon making clues and hiding them around the loft, the prize Gabe would hopefully find in the end was his suitcase which was packed for our trip in a few days. We hadn't told him yet since we knew once he'd find out, he'd be too excited to sleep. A sigh escaped him and Ben scooped him up into his arms, "Do you need help little man?"

He gave his dad a frustrated nod and extended his tiny arm in his direction so Ben could read the clue. 

I will have to pull my heart away, cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday.

I will have to pull my heart away, cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday. by pinklipstiiick featuring american apparel

I glanced down at our intertwined hands, fading in and out of the conversation as Dante spoke with a little too much enthusiasm about one of his current cases.  Call me crazy, but nothing about civil suits amused me. The fact alone that I knew the difference between a criminal suit and civil suit said a lot. Dante spoke a lot about himself, it wasn't that he was a selfish person or conceited... it was just hard for me to open up to him. A whole month had gone by and it still felt like we were in that first phase of dating which was weird since I originally thought we'd pick up right where we had left off. We hadn't. It had to be me... there was probably something wrong with me.

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up.

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up. by pinklipstiiick featuring slim fit pants

(flashback)

I walked through the living room, watching my mom in silence as she turned the page of the book she was reading. A million thoughts raced through my mind and at the last second, I settled on waiting and decided to back out of the room, only she chose that exact minute to glance up and gave me a small smile. "Hi honey. What are you doing?" She stared at me, waiting for my response.

Sometimes, I still need you.

Sometimes, I still need you. by pinklipstiiick featuring strappy sandal heels

(flashback)

I listened as the front door opened then closed, grabbing my clutch from off my bed as Ben went straight to Gabe's room. It'd been a full year since we broke up, I was thankful that he was still in my life while the rest of me broke down a little every time I saw him. I still loved him, a part of me knew that I always would. One random hook up and a somewhat serious relationship later, it still hadn't gotten easier. Dante helped a lot... I mean, he was gorgeous, successful on paper, and treated me like a princess. What more could I ask for, right?

Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem.

Shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem. by pinklipstiiick featuring ballet shoes

“Finish another one?” I asked as a loud sigh escaped Chloe, smirking at her as she set the book down. It was another one of those trashy romance novels, the ones complete with a long haired hunk on the cover and a busty vixen in his arms.

She shrugged, “I'm a fast reader.”

“You’re a hopeless romantic who masquerades as a player," I pointed out seriously, glancing at my friend.

With buried heads we both forget, all of the past and its regret.

With buried heads we both forget, all of the past and its regret. by pinklipstiiick featuring crop tops

"What do you think it'll be?" I tried again, my eyes bouncing back and forth between Gabe's pout and the piece of paper he held. For a Monday night, the Louvre was already packed, people passing by us in large groups but none of them holding the one person we were waiting for.

He sighed loudly and shrugged his tiny shoulders, folding the paper and shoving it into his pocket, "I don't know maman."