Untitled #1056

Untitled #1056 by ssaarah 





I listened as Corey and Miles talked about....something. I was a little preoccupied, Chloe had told me Mila was going to be here and I was trying to decide how I felt about it. Also being around Miles was a little weird now that I'd slept with his daughter....not that he knew, but still. The man kind of terrified me.
“Milena!” Corey exclaimed pulling her into a hug while she looked right at me.
“Hi Corey.” she smiled sweetly and then took a deep breath as she walked up to me.
“Hi Ames.” she slowly wrapped her arms around me and I swallowed.
“Hi Mila…” I trailed off, pulling her into me tighter instinctively. She sighed and then pulled away.
“You look great.”
“You too."
“Alright, dinner time!” Harper said as she brought out the rack of lamb that smelt delicious.
“Are you staying the night?” Miles wrappped his arms around Mila and she nodded.
“Yeah, I just left my things in my car, including everybody’s presents.” she grinned and that's when i noticed Gabe playing with a puppy on the floor, his face lit up.
“Presents?” Mila grinned.
“Lots. Especially for a little boy.” Mila winked and Gabe gasped and clapped before taking a seat between Ben and Cami and before I knew it, the only two seats left were together and Mila and I were the only ones standing. Of course.
"When did you get back from New York Milena?" Ava grinned as she placed food on her plate.
"Last week actually. I've been spending this week trying to get back into my routine here." Mila smiled.
"Ames felt that way when he came back from school." She told us, "Must be New York."
"New York is amazing Ava." Harper told my sister. "Snooty French woman." She joked with her making everybody laugh.
"Isn't New York amazing though?" Chloe said with a twinkle in her eyes.
"It was. I worked with Diane Von Furstenburg. It was like working with a legend.”
“I’ve always wondered what it was like on that part of the fashion industry…” Chloe smiled.
“It’s amazing.” Mila smiled dreamily and I almost groaned at how pretty she looked.
“Guess what I learned at school Mommy?” Gabe chimed in, digging into his mashed potatoes.
“What?” Cam smiled.
“You have to kiss under mistletoe.” He grinned at everybody.
“Oh yeah?” She laughed. He nodded quickly,
“Aunt Mila and Uncle Ames were underneath it earlier…” He tried to stifle a giggle as I groaned inwardly, “They didn’t kiss.”
“Well not everybody is supposed to kiss underneath the mistletoe… Only if they love each other.”
“They’re family; they do love each other…”
“I do love Ames…” Mila grinned as she leaned over to place a kiss on mycheek, “See? Kiss.”
Gabe seemed to be satisfied with the answer. I side glanced at her and watched as she sighed in relief. I nudged her gently and smirked.
“It can’t be that bad to really kiss me can it?” I questioned without thinking and watched as he eyes widened and her cheeks flushed.
“Um…” she bit her lip and looked to the ground and I nudged her again.
“Lighten up Mila I’m just kidding.” I smirked even though what I really wanted to do was trace her lips with my thumb and pull her lip from her teeth so she would stop teasing me.
“Oh” she said it softly and gave me a sweet smile. “No, by the way. It wouldn’t be that bad I guess.” She smirked and I found myself grinning as she messed with me.
“Not too bad huh?” I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.” She just shrugged and kept biting her damn lip before she looked up at me with something in her eyes, it looked like….hope.
“Watch it Ames, you kind of sound like you’re flirting with me….and we both know that didn’t work.” She said it casually as if it had been long enough for us to joke about it but I could see the hurt in her eyes. I swallowed and then held her gaze.
“We didn’t not work Milena. We never really got a chance to try.” I forced myself to walk away at that point, heading into the living room and admiring the tree Harper had decorated, the gold and deep red ornaments making the room feel even more classy, and the Schon’s had great taste as it was.
“What did you mean?” I heard Mila’s voice and turned, setting my drink on a table and shrugging.
“You said we didn’t work…..I don’t think that’s necessarily a true statement.” She shook her head.
“We’re not together now. Therefore we didn’t work.” She said it forcefully like she was trying to convince herself as much as me. “And it wasn’t you…..It was my fault and I know it….” I held a finger out to her lips, pulling back when a jolt went through me. Just from touching her….damn it.
“Stop talking, We’re not together now because we were never really together. But I think I can speak for both of us when I say there was absolutely nothing wrong with how we…..worked together.” I said the word with extra meaning and I saw a flash of arousal in Milena’s eyes. I knew she was thinking about our night together just as I was as her skin flushed and her eyes dilated just enough to notice.
“Ames….” She trailed off and I couldn’t help it, I reached out and tilted her head up, looking into her pretty eyes that had captivated me for so many years. Nodded up.
“More mistletoe.” I watched her eyes follow mine to the doorway where indeed, the mistletoe was hanging above us. I moved my hand from her chin to cup her head, tangling my fingers in the back of her hair. “I missed you.” I said it almost in a groan. I knew this was wrong. That no matter how much my body wanted her, my mind would never be able to forgive her for what had happened. But damn it my body was in control now as I pulled her head closer and pressed my lips against hers, her body going flush against mine almost instantly but pulling away far too fast.
“Ames… we can’t.” I blinked through my the fog my mind created when I was kissing her before I could speak again.
“What?”
“I spent the last month focusing on myself, trying to better myself and not let a guy define me… and suddenly I’m with you and I feel like it all went away…”
“I don’t mean to make you feel that way Milena… All I’ve thought about this last month is you…” It was true. I picked up the phone over and over, to call, to text, to find out where she was and who she was with. If she was okay.
“But I did a bad thing. I know that…. It was pretty whore-ish. If I do say so myself.” She forced a smile but her words made my whole body stiffen with anger.
“You’re not a whore.” I replied darkly, my voice lower than usual.
“But I can tell Ames… you’re still not over what I did…I can’t just be in a relationship for the sex. That’s what happened with Callum and got me into this mess to begin with…” she sighed and I felt the same hopelessness I knew she was feeling.
“It’s hard.” I admitted.
“I know… I would be upset too if the tables were turned, but we can’t let what happened between us…” she cleared her throat as she shook her head of the images I’m sure were floating in it….they were floating in mine that was for sure…. “Dictate this relationship. Like I said… I can’t just be a physical thing… I can’t and won’t anymore. I deserve better.” I blinked at her honesty, the passion she had for what she was saying in her eyes and I nodded
“You do deserve better than that.” I agreed “A man should want you for more than your body…..as perfect as it might be.” Mila blushed deep again and looked at the ground.
“Ames…” I laughed and tilted her head back up.
“I’m glad you know what you deserve. I don’t want you to think that’s what I wanted. I wasn’t trying to use you….I just…I couldn’t help it.” She smiled that sweet smile again that reached her eyes even though I still saw some sadness.
“I know.” I shook my head and grabbed her hands.
“No…I don’t think you do. I want you to know that the night we shared….I know I told you I just wanted one night. That was a jackass thing for me to say. Not only that, but the minute I let myself kiss you I knew I wanted more than that. I didn’t just want to fuc.k you Milena. You opened something inside of me that I thought was dead and gone after Odette. It wasn’t just your body I was so attracted to. It was your sweetness, your strength…..everything.”
“Ames please stop talking before I humiliate myself by taking back everything I just said and just begging you.” Her eyes pleaded even though she was giving me the hint of a smile.
“I just needed you to know. What happened between us sucked but I was the one who left you doubting how I felt. I should have told you before we slept together that I had changed my mind…I just wanted you so damn badly.”
“I can’t really blame you for that.” Mila smirked and I groaned, tangling my hands in her hair again.
“God….just one more moment of weakness and I swear I’ll let you walk away.” Now I was the hypocrite as I waited for her silent agreement before kissing her again, taking my time to memorize the feel of her lips, the taste, the way she shivered and then let out a tiny moan as my tongue met hers. I kissed her the way I’d thought about kissing her since the moment I woke up alone in bed and it was so hard to pull back and just kiss her forehead as I looked down into her passion fogged eyes.
“You’re so good at that….” She sighed and I laughed again, thinking how cute she managed to be even while driving me insane with how sexy she was too.
“Must be the mistletoe.” I winked and put a distance between us, letting her make the next move, whatever it would be. I was content to talk alone all night, but I could understand if she wanted to walk away.
“I know I should walk away.” she breathed out, “But god help me I can’t… I almost hate you for this hold you have over me Ames…” My chest tightened at her words but I ignored it.
“I’m sorry…” I said softly as I watched her rake her fingers through her long hair.
“God, I don’t know if I can do this…”
“Do what?”
“Be like this with you… I mean we are always like this; these awkward talks where we’re on the border of being friends and then ripping each other’s clothes off… It hurts Ames. It’s hard to look at you be okay when there’s no chance of anything for us.”
“I’m confused.”
“It’s hard Ames, to act like this… When I want you so bad. I feel like I can’t move on because this relationship is in limbo…”
“Mila…”
“I’m sure you feel like it’s no harm, but I feel like hell inside. I mean I had to leave Europe to get you out of my head…"
“You think it’s been easy for me?” I asked, shocked that she couldn’t read me like a book because I wasn’t good and hiding my emotions with her, no matter how much training I had on it. “I’m not “okay” Mila. Not even a little.”
“You act so…..far away from me….”
“Because you ran away! Again! All you ever do is run away from me, and you see what happens when I let myself get close to you again, I can’t help it! If I was okay, I wouldn’t be pulling you into my arms every chance I got.”
“You could have any girl you wanted Ames…” she replied, looking into my eyes and god I wondered what she was thinking to make her say that.
“I haven’t touched a woman since you Milena.” I said seriously, “I haven’t even been on a date.”
“…..why?” she seemed flabbergasted, and why shouldn’t she, after all she’d managed to have a boyfriend since we happened. I cursed under my breath for thinking that again. It was in the past. It was her way to move on….just because my way was very different didn’t mean it was wrong. Just because I hated the idea of another man touching her didn’t meant she didn’t have every right to move on.
“Because I didn’t want to.” It was true. There hadn’t been a woman who interested me in the least bit for the months that Milena was away.
“I wasn’t with anyone while I was away. Ever.” She said and even though I knew it was none of my business and that I shouldn’t still care, relief flooded through me. I felt possessive of her even though we’d barely spoken in months.
“Thank you for telling me.” I could have played it off, but I was glad. Grateful that I had a little peace of mind where she was concerned.
“But this isn’t helping Ames, if anything it’s just making it worse! I know I had a problem being alone and I need to work on that still, but I’m not going to sacrifice my life waiting for a relationship that may or may not happen with you. You’re worth waiting for Ames but I’m not going to wait forever.”
“You’re wrong.” I said darkly, running my hand through my hair and looking away from her. “I’m not worth waiting for. You’d be waiting around for nothing because you’re right. I’m not ready to get over what happened.”
“You have to find a way to forgive me…..” she whispered, though it was more of a plea as she stepped closer and looked up with such vulnerability that it killed me. I let out a deep sigh.
“I forgive you Mila.” I said it for the first time, and I realized that I did. I did forgive her….there was just one problem….”But I’m never going to forget.”
"I understand that... But I can't go back and change it. It happened and it's a part of me. Nothing I say or do will change it." she swallowed, "By the way... Callum was the last person I slept with... Nothing sexual happened between Liam and I..." I looked up, surprised and relieved for some reason.
"Really?"
"The thought of another man..." she cleared her throat, "Touching me... Made me sick to my stomach, so we didn't. I'm being honest when I say I felt guilty after being with Callum."
"Why him?" I asked slowy, feeling like a pathetic jealous loser but wanting to know anyways.
"Because I was drunk and he was there. I know that doesn't change anything but that is the only excuse I can even think of. I'm the first person to say it was so fucking stupid of me. Just don't define me completely that way." she gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"I couldn't..." I said and pulled her back into my arms again.
"If you don't want me to wait for you..." she choked out, "I won't, but don't expect me to just fall into a relationship with someone else. I was serious about fixing myself and my issues."
“I believe you…”
“Hey, lovebirds.” I heard Chloe’s voice interrupt the two of us. "Your Dad is wondering where you disappeared to and unless you want Christmas to be ruined and a whole scene happening. I would come back.” She grinned.
“Yeah, be right there.” Mila said as she took a deep breath while Chloe walked out and she turned back to me.
“We probably shouldn’t… hang out much Ames. I mean if you can’t forget, you don’t want this relationship then we should maybe try to move on?” she suggested.
“Is that what you want?” I asked slowly.
“In a perfect world Ames, I wouldn’t have done what I did and we’d be in a healthy relationship. Expectations don’t always match reality.” she shrugged, “The ball’s in your court Ames… but I won’t wait forever…” she trailed off as she wrapped her cardigan around her waist as she walked back towards the kitchen.