je m'en fous

I tapped my fingers against my lips as I stared at the door of Caleb's office. It was closed and no sound came from the inside, but I knew he was there, since he wasn't anywhere else and his car was parked in front of his winery. So that just bought me some time to decide if I really wanted to get inside of not. Of course I wanted to see Caleb, even though he had stopped by earlier at my bakery, but there was something that felt a little off...he was amazing, as always, but after his decision of not sleeping with me on what he said counted like a first date I had some doubts, first of all because we had already slept toghether before, plenty of times, and then because...why? I just didn't get it. I understood when he said we had to take things slow since our past relationships had been awful, only I felt as if he was putting some distance and that led me to wonder if he was freaking out already. It was almost as if he wasn't my boyfriend, more like we were still in the phase of dating when nothing is official. And no sex. Aside this kind of thoughts that left me full with doubts and insecurities, there was another kind that left me really annoyed and secretly waiting for some silly revenge. Which was what I had on my agenda for today...maybe. I thought about the last time I had slept with him, his sweaty hard body against me, his soft lips pressed on my skin as if he couldn't get enough, his strong hands claiming every inch of my skin...the thought was enough to send a shiver through me. I was pmsing too, which made it even worse, meaning I wanted him real bad.

bulletproof

I glanced at my watch, then grabbed my phone, checking whatsapp as I tapped my foot against the floor nervously. More like impatiently. Caleb wasn't even late, but I couldn't wait to see him for the first time since we had decided to give ourselves a chance, it was also the first time he came to my new apartment so I had put on a pretty dress, I had cooked dinner and now I felt that excitement I hadn't felt in so long.
I darted to the door as soon as I heard footsteps and I opened it, not even thinking that if it wasn't him I'd look like an idiot. But it was him instead, in all his glorious hotness. "Hi." I smiled wide, trying to control myself but I was afraid I was failing.

you're already the voice inside my head

I groaned as I realized I wasn't asleep anymore, the sound of heavy steps walking up the stairs of my home waking me and putting me in a hell of a mood already. I hated to be woken up on Saturday mornings, on Sundays too, but apparently my girlfriend loved it instead. I didn't even need to look, she was the only one having the keys, unless it was my brother, but I doubted he'd start wearing heels.
"Did you know that Colbie and Jax moved in together!? They got back together! For real! He even made her sign a contract-" Lila stopped talking for some reason and a moment later I felt the mattress flex slightly under her weight. "Are you alive baby?" She asked in a teasing voice.
"No." I muttered under my breath before burying my face into my pillow. Then she yanked my duvet and spanked my ass. Another groan left my throat as I rolled over onto my back, still refusing to open my eyes. "Christ Lil, just let me sleep."

feel again

I opened the door of Colbie's house before she could knock and watched her blink her eyes before she smiled at me. "Hi." She said softly.
"Hi." I grinned at her and gave her a glance over, she was definitely very pregnant now but still so damn beautiful and sexy. She was born to make babies, it suited her. I noticed her blush, which only made me grin wider as I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. "Don't be shy, we don't have time for that."
She giggled as she followed me to the livingroom, "Yeah you sounded in a hurry when you called me earlier." She pointed out and it was her turn to look at me, "You were all business."
"I still am." I said a little more seriously as I pulled her against me and kissed her hard.
She kissed me back then pulled back, "What are we doing Jax?" She breathed out but her tone was also...careful? I knew what she meant. After the night spent out like a couple of teenagers we hadn't seen each other, but she had been on my mind a lot, always, as usual. There had been phone calls, texts, everything was starting to feel like we were back to where we used to be once, only now it was all different. And I wanted to make sure that different meant better this time.
"I'm going to tell you everything now. We have a little time before Will joins us too." I told her softly and urged her to sit on the couch.

my love you lost and won

I knocked on the door of Colbie's house, hearing the footsteps approaching and smirking to myself with no reason at all.
“Jax!” Will said with enthusiasm as soon as he opened, his grin bigger than mine. He led me to the livingroom, updating me on his life while I listened carefully.
Colbie appeared a moment later, smiling. “Hey.” She said softly, blushing a little too.
“Hi Colbs.” I smiled back at her.
“I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

you were right all along, something's gotta change

I got up from Andys bed and felt underdressed immediately, as soon as the chill air of the room hit me. To my defense, I was really underdressed, almost naked more likely, but it wasn't just a physical thing...I felt exposed, vulnerable, and willing to close myself off instead. I had been like this since Caleb, the only moments when I felt better were the ones where Andy was with me but then again, it wasn't that I felt better really, I just didn't feel anything. He made me talk, he made me come, he even made me laugh a little occasionally, for a few hours I could forget all the rest of my life until it was morning and my misery and anxiety were still there. I wished I could say that not seeing Caleb was helping me...it wasn't. I missed him, more than I missed John to be honest.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Andy's low and groggy voice almost made me jump.

rebel heart

I swallowed my beer and laughed as Kolton told me about his crazy weekend. He was almost making me regret I wasn't single anymore. Almost because I had the most amazing girl in the world and she was his sister, so I knew better than say that. "God that was crazy uh?" I shook my head.
"She was...damn." He let out a whistle, "I wish I asked her number."
"That good?" I widened my eyes, kind of surprised because he was...well, just like I used to be.
"You have no idea." He shook his head, wiping the bar counter.

I took a deep breath and rang the bell of Travis' house, still debating if it was a good idea to show unannounced, but then again he was my cousin and we were close...I just hoped he wasn't too busy.
"Hi!" Lila opened the door instead, she grinned reaching out and pulling me into a hug that surprised me but then I sank into it, hugging her back like an old friend.
"Hey. I'm sorry to just drop by..." I started, feeling as if I needed to apologize.
She shook her head. "Are you kidding? Surprise visits are one of my favorite things." I smiled and followed her into the living room, loving how she was, so cheerful and cute. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Coffee?"

let's play a love game

I spotted Lila as soon as I headed to the bar of the new club she'd told me to meet her at. She was wearing a tight white dress that made her look like a naughty angel and an expression that showed how deep into her thoughts she was. "Hey." I said in a deep voice.
She tried not to smirk as she glanced over and looked me up and down. "Um. I'm meeting someone." She said before turning back to her martini.
"Really?" I asked, surprised at first then amused as I leaned closer. "He shouldn't have kept you waiting."
She smirked and looked back at me. "Why's that?"
"Because it's dangerous for him to leave you alone with guys like me." I grinned wider and she bit down on her lip before reaching out her hand.
"I'm Lila."