you got me so high, so high I cannot feel the fire

I read the newspaper peacefully, enjoying the warm sun in the backyard of my house with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other and thinking that things were going pretty well. Except for the one thing I refused to think about. I was set on being grateful for what I had instead of what I was missing in my life. The obnoxious sound of my phone vibrating against the coffee table had me groaning but I didn't bother to even spare it a glance, Lila was upstairs finishing tidying up her things, so the rest of the world could wait. Smashing the butt of my cigarette in the ashtray I turned the page and focused on an article about economy, only to be interrupted by my phone again. This time I grabbed it and furrowed my brows when I saw Lila's face on the screen. "Why are you calling me?" I asked, vaguely amused because she could've yelled to get my attention.
"I need help, come upstairs." She said back and I knew she was pouting.
"Later. I'm busy now." I grinned as I took a swig of my beer.
"Too busy for me? What's the perk of having a tall boyfriend when he can't even help me with high shelves?!" She retorted.

let me love you

I walked into my house quietly, closing the door behind me and expecting Lila to run to me any moment. I knew it was late but lately it was crazy at work and I had the feeling all I did was go to my office, eat and sleep, there wasn't much time left for anything else. There wasn't time at all. That was probably one of the reasons why the baby thing hadn't been brought up again, and I was more than fine with that, but just because I hadn't said a word about it it didn't mean I hadn't thought about it. I had. I had slowly and painfully realized it had been a big fat mistake, what had I been thinking? Lila was right. She was too young and she was obviously not ready to give up her life to raise a kid. She still had to explore the world, focus on her career, enjoy late nights and friends without having to think about a baby depending on her. I got that now. She still had so much to do and I was in no position to ask her to give up on her youth just because I had already done all those things and I was more than ready to be a father. It hadn't been fair, no matter how much I had wanted that. Walking around my house a bad feeling made my chest tight when I didn't find her anywhere, not in my bed, not in the kitchen, not in the bathroom. Where was she? Had she gone to her place? I went back outside and her car was still parked where I had last seen it this morning, I wondered if she had walked back home? But she would have told me...wouldn't she? What if she got back and didn't feel good. I grabbed my phone and called her, heading inside once again and freezing when I heard her phone going off. What the-